Medicine
by Scotia Daniel
Summary: After a dark moment in the lives of the mutant family, Donatello takes it hard and tries to drown his guilt in anyway possible and April is determined to save him from himself.


April found Donatello curled up in a dark part of the dump outside of New York City. He had been coming there for the past few months to get away from everything. From New York, from his brothers, from Splinter, from her...

_Pick it up, pick it all up._

_And start again._

He'd always be in the same position. Hunched over, curled up close to the garbage hiding him, a bottle of some alcoholic beverage in his hand. When she had first found him there, she was shocked. She had taken the bottle away from him and planned on giving him a good lecture, but he looked at her with dead eyes and knew nothing she said or did would really affect him. At least, not right then.

_You've got a second chance,_

_you could go home._

_Escape it all,_

_It's just irrelevant._

Sometimes Donatello wouldn't come back to the lair for days. She and the others always worried about where he had gone, what he'd be up to, if he were okay...Leonardo always told them to give him his space. He needed it. They all needed it. But especially him.

The mutant had been like that since the night Michelangelo had been killed. No matter what anyone said, Donatello believed it had been his fault. Mikey was under his watch, and in the midst of a battle with the Kraang, Donatello had lost track of his younger brother.

Everyone told him it wasn't his fault. Mikey had always been reckless, never followed orders. He had wandered off to fight some bots on his own and had been outnumbered. There wasn't anything Donatello could have done to prevent that. Mikey was Mikey.

But that didn't stop the mutant from being haunted by the death. They had buried Mikey on the outskirts of the town so they could visit anytime without anyone prying on them.

April had been worried about the ninja since that fatal day. Everyone missed Mikey. No one blamed Donatello. It was an honest accident that could have happened under anyone's watch. She thought he would slowly become better...but Donatello didn't. She'd look into his eyes and see this far away look. Like he wasn't there.

She didn't know when he had gotten into the alcohol, but she when found out, it scared her. April didn't know where he got it from and how long he had been abusing the substance, but it had to stop. But she didn't know how.

_It's just medicine,_

_It's just medicine._

April could always find Donatello. It wasn't hard for her to. It was like her feet were made to always have her walk right to him. Were made to always find him. He was never too far away from her. He never had been. Even in his grief, Donatello was still right where April could find him when she needed him, even though he often avoided the lair now.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, April would wake up and have the urge to open her window. Donatello would alwaysbe there, leaning against the roof and staring off into the night sky.

April would lead him inside and tuck him into her bed. He'd fall sleep instantly and she'd find some empty bottle on his person, whether it was in his hand or tucked into his belt.

In those times, she'd gaze at him with a pain in her chest. How did things become this bad? She wanted to take away his pain. Take away his grief. She missed Mikey too, but she didn't know how to get through to him that it wasn't his fault. Only in his sleep did he seem at peace and she wished she could take that peace and put it into his waking life.

_You could still be_

_what you want to,_

_What you said you were_

_when I met you._

Somewhere down the line, Donatello had stopped inventing. Stopped creating. April had walked into his lab and discovered dust on his tools and cobwebs on the inventions he had once took such great care of. It broke her heart to see his lab like that. She'd clean it up to the best of her ability, but even then the dust would come back and the cobwebs would make themselves at home once more.

_You've got a warm heart,_

_you've got a beautiful brain_

_But it's disintegrating_

_from all the medicine._

Donatello's muscles seemed to deflate with time and his cheeks had sunken in. She didn't know how things had become so bad with him. How his brothers and Splinter never seemed to reach out as much as they should with him. They said to give him space, but what he really needed was help.

The alcohol had taken its toll. His young body may be strong but wasn't built for the amount of consumption he was inhaling all the time. She didn't even know how much he was taking in. It could be a few bottles, it could be much more than that. He couldn't even walk straight without nearly keeling over. How could he let himself go like that? That was not the Donnie she loved.

_From all the medicine,_

_from all the medicine._

_Medicine._

It was always April who brought him home in the unholy hours of the night. Always April to tuck him in and take the bottles away and clean him up. It was always her who tried to keep him straight, to get him to snap out of his funk.

She honestly didn't mind. It was better for her to do it anyways. April knew she was the only one who could get through to the mutant with time. She just had to keep reminding him that she was there for him. That she loved and cared about him and nothing would hurt him as long as she was there.

_You could still be_

_what you want to,_

_What you said you were_

_when you met me._

April missed Donatello's rambling on how he would grow to do great things. To win a Nobel Peace Prize, to find the cure for cancer, to win medals for his inventions and be the one hope the world needed.

Now his ramblings were filled with unforgiving silence. It was like he forgot how to dream. How to be himself. What he wanted most in life. It was as though he felt he wasn't worthy enough for his dreams. To him, murderers didn't get to dream. To accomplish anything. That's what he was. A murderer. He murdered his brother.

But he didn't. Donnie was anything but a murderer. He was a scientist. A man. A brilliant man. He was kind and caring and an incredible ninja. He would grow to do great things if he let himself.

_You could still be_

_what you want to,_

_What you said you were_

_when I met you._

Almost a year after Michelangelo's death, April found Donatello once more at the edge of her window. She led him in, ran water in the tub in her bathroom and led him in. He reeked of alcohol and she could see his bones jotting out here and there. He was a shadow of the man she had first met once upon a time ago. Just a shell moving around with no real purpose.

_When you met me,_

_when I met you..._

For the first time, Donatello blinked and lolled his head to look at her. To really look at her. Like he finally adjusted his center of attention from a distant place to look her in the eyes.

April ran a washcloth over his skin, not breaking eye contact. She tried to wash the smell off of him, wash the pain from his being, to wash away the months of regret and emotion he held back and to wash away the need to drink.

Donatello's eyes squeezed shut and he began to sob. April dropped the cloth and immediately pulled his head to her into a hug. She held him to her chest, trying to soothe his pain.

The ninja pulled her into the tub with him and held her to him in a crushing embrace. He burried his head into the crook of her neck and freely sobbed. She rubbed his back and neck, running her hands over the smooth of his head.

"Shh...it's okay, Donnie, it's okay...I'm here...everything will be okay..." She repeated herself in a hushed voice. She was so glad her aunt was out of town for the week. So glad to see that Donatello was finally getting his wake up call.

_Ooooooooo..._

_Ooooooooo..._

The two sat in the tub for so long, the sun began to rise in the city outside. But April didn't care. She held onto her mutant, ran her fingers over his skin and gently kissed his temple, head and the bump that was his nose.

She hated seeing him like that, but she knew from then on, he was awake. He could take the steps to heal and realize that he no longer needed his 'medicine.' That all he needed was right there in her arms and that nothing in that universe could make her let go. She'd never let go for as long as she lived.

**Song: Medicine by Daughter**


End file.
